My daughter was asleep in her room down the corridor, and my husband and I gathered our bowls of popcorn and settled on the sofa. I had my ft up on the espresso desk, was comfy in my sweatpants, and I relaxed into the cushions as my husband hit “play” on the most recent episode of one of the crucial well-liked collection on TV in recent times.
And only a few minutes into it, who ought to seem on display screen however my ex-flame?
Let’s name him Mike. He at all times exhibits up after I least anticipate it ― and I actually ought to anticipate it by now.
Each time it occurs, I groan and ask my husband, “Is that Mike?” regardless that I already know it’s.
“Yep,” he solutions. He’s by no means as stunned as I’m.
It began with a industrial over a decade in the past. I used to be watching the Detroit Purple Wings again once they had been good, and when the second interval ended, there was Mike, laughing with some stranger on a sofa. I don’t even bear in mind what the advert was for as a result of I used to be so shocked to see that acquainted face staring again at me from my TV display screen.
That was the primary time I requested my husband, “Wait, is that Mike?”
They don’t know one another personally, however he’s identified of Mike since he met me 15 years in the past, after we used to go to my brother’s comedy exhibits and Mike was additionally onstage. My husband has at all times thought Mike is hilarious ― and he’s, however nonetheless, it’s bizarre.
Then one evening, we determined to look at a well-liked comedy, and there was Mike, just for a minute — however he was there, nonetheless. I’d know these rolling eyes and that crinkled brow wherever. I nonetheless requested, “Is that Mike?” I simply couldn’t consider he had made it to Hollywood.
A number of years later, whereas watching a extremely anticipated remake of a well-liked film from a long time in the past, guess who confirmed up in a pivotal scene, and guess who thought she is likely to be seeing issues? “Wow, he’s actually made the massive time,” I mentioned out loud, astonished, extra to myself than my husband.
Little did I do know he was simply getting began.
I’ve kissed many males. Most of them I haven’t seen in years. I do know the opportunity of working into them on the road is very unlikely. And even when I did, there can be some I wouldn’t acknowledge and even bear in mind. However Mike retains popping up in my life in essentially the most sudden methods. I assume I must be used to it by now, however each time it occurs, it looks like the primary time.
I met Mike on spring break throughout my senior yr of highschool. I used to be with three of my girlfriends, and he was staying on the similar resort simply down the corridor from us with three of his man associates. Once we all ran into one another, we discovered that all of us lived in the identical state lower than an hour away from one another.
We frolicked with them the whole week, and by the top of the primary day, I used to be already in love with Mike. He was humorous and good-looking. He had a suaveness to him. He was as easy because the traces he used.
I felt like I used to be Sandy from Grease, and Mike was my Danny. We performed within the waves, kissed close to the rocks, and I refused to consider that our romance would quickly be over. Our transient affair felt extra like a dream than actuality, and I didn’t need to return residence, the place I knew it will be troublesome for issues to proceed. I could have been smitten, however I wasn’t a idiot ― we had been 18, residing an hour aside, dedicated to attending schools on the other facet of our state ― and I knew there was no actual future there.
However, to my shock, I later came upon he was taking appearing courses with my brother. What had been the possibilities? So, after each present, we’d find yourself reconnecting. Finally, we couldn’t get previous the gap, and ultimately, he moved even additional away to pursue his appearing profession.
There was a time when Mike and I weren’t all of the completely different. We each appreciated appearing and singing. We each appreciated Lease and the Barenaked Girls. We each had large goals for the longer term.
The day after Mike appeared at a significant award present and I noticed him onstage with so many different actors I drastically admire, I drove to my local people faculty campus and half-boasted, half-lamented to my composition college students that somebody I used to make out with had received.
There I used to be, making peanuts educating 19-year-olds learn how to correctly use a comma. It was arduous to not examine myself to Mike — and straightforward to really feel jealous of his fame and success — however then once more, educating faculty had been my large dream for the longer term. So why, after I noticed him on that stage, did I really feel so unhappy?
I had by no means actually wished fame ― not since I used to be in center college, anyhow. And even then, I’m unsure I actually wished it. I imply, what 12-year-old doesn’t assume they need to be well-known? What I actually wished was to show and write. I didn’t have goals of transferring to LA or New York. I beloved the state the place I grew up. And along with wanting a husband who was candy and humorous and type, I additionally wished one who was grounded, loyal and reliable ― issues Mike may by no means actually be whereas chasing an appearing profession. I wished a household. I wished stability.
And I’m glad to say I used to be fortunate ― I bought all of that. My life is very like many different middle-class Midwesterners: I’ve a job I care about, a modest residence we’ve virtually paid off, a beautiful, devoted husband, and a candy child I’m loopy about. Generally I write issues that some individuals learn, however for essentially the most half, my life is quiet. And it’s precisely how I at all times wished it to be.
After I wrote this essay, I ran to the grocery retailer and acquired my daughter a brand new toothbrush. I couldn’t assist fascinated by Mike and the way he doesn’t must do his personal grocery procuring anymore. He can most likely pay individuals to do this. And I felt a twinge of jealousy once more.
Mike’s life is full of crimson carpets, designer fits and appearances on late-night discuss exhibits — the precise reverse of quiet. The precise reverse of my life ― a life I like. So what’s the issue?
I assume it’s that today ― possibly greater than ever earlier than ― we’re at all times evaluating our lives to everybody else’s lives. And social media has made it even simpler to measure how we’re doing towards how another person is doing ― or a minimum of how they seem like doing. We scroll via Instagram and see our associates ― or full strangers ― boasting about their unique holidays or fabulous residence remodels or the great grades their youngsters are getting, and we do our personal boasting. We have a look at Twitter and see somebody bought a promotion or a e-book deal or a brand new automobile, and we share our personal successes. However everyone knows that social media doesn’t at all times present the truth of somebody’s life, and even when and when it does, ought to that make us really feel any much less worthy or that our lives are any much less worthwhile? In fact not.
What we have to do ― what I’ve wanted to do ― is remind ourselves that the grass is usually greener and that we’ve got our personal blessings to depend. There are at all times going to be individuals who have extra, who’ve achieved extra, who know extra, but when we get and keep wrapped up in that recreation, we’ll by no means win ― or we’ll be too busy to comprehend that we’re already successful.
I adopted Mike’s Instagram for some time. And I ooohed and ahhhed at a few of his posts, however I additionally questioned if he would ooooh and ahhhh at any of mine if he had been to see them. Possibly catching a glimpse of my cute daughter or the household gatherings I cherish would possibly make him a little bit jealous of my life. Who is aware of? In the long run, it doesn’t actually matter. Jealousy isn’t the purpose.
Regardless that I’m not (but!) the bestselling creator I hope to be in the future and regardless that I’m not the Broadway star I dreamt of being after I was a child, I’m glad, and that’s an unbelievable factor to have the ability to say.
It’s generally straightforward to neglect that when the well-known man I as soon as dated pops up on my TV, however hopefully, from right here on out, every time I see his face, I’ll be reminded that goals come true ― each his and mine.
Jennifer Furner has been revealed in The Rumpus, Belt, Motherwell, and others. She is a previous fellow of the Kenyon Evaluation Writers Workshop and presently serves because the Nonfiction Editor of The Dodge, a web based journal of eco-writing. She lives in Grand Rapids, Michigan. together with her husband and daughter. For extra of her writing, go to jenniferfurner.com.
This text initially appeared on HuffPost in 2021, however was republished in Might 2025.
